No Party, No Party

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recently declared the death of partying, finding that Americans spend significantly less time attending social events than they did twenty years ago. The largest decline — by almost 70% — occurred among people aged 15-24. Thompson offers a sophisticated analysis based on post-1970s individualism, gendered labor economics, and smartphones.But he was far too nuanced. The single threat decaying Americans’ social lives is the Chinese Communist Party.Last week, the Chinese Ministry of State Security published a bombshell report on its official WeChat account: the United States government secretly funds think tanks to push “lying flat” (躺平) upon Chinese youth, brainwashing them into believing that “working hard is for losers.”But while Brookings was busy influencing Chinese twenty-somethings, China’s government was not sitting idle. An exclusive ChinaTalk investigation has uncovered Beijing’s quiet counter-offensive: a two-front campaign to foment loneliness abroad and good vibes at home.Sabotage StatesideSuppressing American partying required a surgical institutional intervention executed at scale: the resident advisor. By penetrating higher education institutions, Ministry of State Security (MSS) agents have introduced the concept of RAs or fudaoyuan. These agents of the administration are tasked with patrolling dormitories to remove all items potentially conducive to vibrant social lives. They drew from America’s proud history of Prohibition, adapting adapted the new RA system to exclusively focus on confiscating alcohol. The RAs, Dan Wang has confirmed, are the perfect advers…